It was another one of those nights. He had just come back and reeked of liquor. The car had been parked at an angle which showed the extent of drinking. How Shipra wished that he would be caught for drunk driving one of these days. “What fate would I meet today”, she thought.
He asked for the dinner to be laid. It was way past twelve and she was tired of she had gotten up at five to get the children ready for school and then prepare the lunch. She was not allowed to keep any help for the household chores only because he did not like it.
Wearily, she laid the table and served him food. She thought she would be saved as there was chicken today.
As she put the fresh off the gas flatbread in front of him, he shouted,”What is this? Why is this not round?” And as usual, threw away the plate. Annoyed at not getting food, like a sulking child he retired to the bedroom.
In a few minutes, he was snoring away, while Shipra was holding the broom in her hand, clearing away the pieces. It took her half an hour to finally lie down on the bed. She felt like puking as the smell of the liquor was too strong. She went to the children’s room to sleep. It was already way past one and she had to get up by five for sure. She slipped into an uneasy sleep, dreaming of a wonderland where everything was rosy.
The next morning was business as usual.
Serving the morning tea, he remarked,”How beautiful you look today? Why don’t you go out shopping and indulge yourself? Here, take my credit card.”Unsuspectingly, she went and bought some clothes for everyone. Next month when the bill came, he remarked,”Who told you to spend so much? Do you think I am a fool working my ass off”.
That night was a repetition of the many other nights.
Shipra thought to herself, “My marriage is great. After all, he does make up for it the next day. Maybe, this is what I am worth.”
Six months later, nearing her fifteenth anniversary, however, her thoughts started changing and she started thinking from different angles,”Am I fooling myself that my marriage is great? And through this facade, am I trying to fool the world? But, what world? That world does not come to help me, when he abuses me in front of it. When he molests me because I am now his property? And also when he runs the house with the money I earn because it hurts his ego to see it otherwise. For his hundred is hard work and my thousand, pocket money for him.”
So many Shipras’ out there and in there.
Instead just send the children back
That of course
Was not an option with her
So she went back
To more degradation
To more abuse
To more hits
She was again told
To leave without the children
And asked to pack her belongings
But the bag spilled in everyone’s view
She decided to ask forgiveness
For a crime which she did
As she had been asking
For forever now
A moment passed
And he agreed
For the demon in him
The pacifier was back
The controller hidden
Safely behind the masks
The day passed amidst the confusion
And she stayed
For in her mind
She was ready to be crucified
So that her girls
Could be saved
And that she did
By finally being victorious
Over the fears in her mind