The Chinese term “Tai Tai” generally refers to the privileged wife of a wealthy man who does not work
The previous year has been one of transition for our family. My husband got a wonderful opportunity in Singapore and my only daughter got into the college of her dreams in the USA. To me, this seemed like a well deserved break, I was taking time off from a busy corporate life in Gurgaon India, to set up a home in a new country and settle my daughter in her uni. However, I underestimated the impact of this change, not realising that it was the biggest life wringer event for me. Once the initial excitement of finding an apartment and dropping off my daughter was over, I had this huge vacuum that threatened to engulf me. With my 23+ years of corporate experience and some stellar academics under my belt , I wasn’t prepared for what seems now, like a long drawn battle for finding a right job. Whether it was the dearth of jobs, or the visa status or preference for local talent, things were not looking good on the job search end. This was compounded by a sense of displacement and empty-nester syndrome.
Guided tour to “ Haw Par Villa”
However this article is not to dwell on the challenges, but about how I managed to stay afloat and rediscover myself. Losing one’s identity, carefully created over the past two decades its nothing less than an existential crisis . However I was determined to not spiral into woes of self-pity which would have long lasting implications on me and my family.
Today I complete 1 year in Singapore. My husband now proudly refers to me as “ Ministry of External Affairs”, with my daily updates being far more exciting and interesting than his boring office updates ! I have helped him meet more people in Singapore than he would have ever done on his own.
Here is a birds eye view of what all I did in my year 1 , a roadmap that unfolded as I immersed myself in this new country:
1. I joined many facebook groups in the initial days, THE ORACLE SINGAPORE, Expat living Singapore, Singapore NRI Buzz, North Indian Community in Singapore . THE ORACLE SINGAPORE is my default go- to- group for any information on shopping recommendations, vacations, things to do etc.
2. I chanced upon a wonderful community FRIENDS OF THE MUSEUM. I happened to attend their open day where I got introduced to a myriad of activities that are managed by this volunteer community. I took my time to select the ones that I am interested in, for instance while docent training is the most sought after activity but I am not a history enthusiast and would not have survived the intensive trainings. Instead I raised my hand to be the activity coordinator for an Asian Film Study Group, where we watch movies from all over Asia- Korea, Japan, Taiwan, Iran, India, Singapore etc and discuss them over a cup of coffee at each other’s home. The group comprised 8-10 movie enthusiasts , with diverse backgrounds – Korean, Chinese, European, American, Singaporean and Indian. We learn so much about different cultures from the movies, it truly was an engaging and enriching experience.
Mentoring students of Global MBA program at University
3. It was important for me to be connected with the HR / Talent community to stay relevant and updated. The Singapore chapter of NHRDN welcomed me with open arms and I got to become a volunteer core- member for the newly launched ‘Springboard’ mentoring program for university students. The community also gave me access to senior HR leaders in Singapore who were approachable and empathized with my situation. I am happy that I found very good mentors who continue to guide me as I navigate my journey in Singapore.
4. My experience with religion and spirituality had been limited to rituals arranged by family. I don’t think I truly understood the ‘why’ behind them, but just followed it since it was ‘the custom’ to do so. I’m obliged to Singapore for propelling me towards my spiritual journey. I started The Bhagavad Gita classes, very apprehensively, as I was unsure if I would have the patience and the right mindset to grasp it. To be honest, it was tough initially, I couldn’t understand the Sanskrit verses but my teachers were very encouraging and patient . Slowly and steadily, I started enjoying the discussions and wouldn’t miss a single class. I think a lot of the teachings helped me maintain my sanity and mental wellbeing.
International Day Open Yoga class
5. I have never been an outdoor activity person, which was quite a disadvantage here. Singapore has lots to offer in-terms of outdoor activities and fitness. I did go for occasional hikes and long walks, but there is really so much more one can do here! I have started strength training and hope to improve my fitness levels in the coming days
My mantra to survive the first year as a TAI TAI wife was get out the house and HUSTLE !
EXPLORE: Go for heritage trails, discover local food, use public transport, basically get out of the house ! Some of the closed friends that I have made in Singpaore were those I met on bus-stop or on MRTs.
EXPERIMENT new things. Tarot reading, Meditation, Jamming sessions…you name it and I tried it. Attend open houses, free workshops and promotional events without any fear of getting judged !
Volunteering at ”Flavors of India” by Mountbatten Association
VOLUNTEER for new experiences. One of the best events I have attended was the ‘Indian Festival’ celebrated by Mountbatten association, for which I had volunteered on the spur or the moment. It was truly a melting pot of culture with performances a’glore.
RECONNECT with Alumini groups- school, college. Usually the international chapters are very strong.
REACH OUT: Find your own tribe. I soon realised that I am not the only one, there is a big population of ‘trailing spouses’ facing similar challenges. Sharing and swapping stories gives comfort and hope.
As my one year itch settles down, I think I am getting a better sense of what I want to do, both socially and professionally. But this first year journey was important for me to rediscover and find a niche for myself in my new world. The coming year is where I plan to explore setting up my own business vs doing consulting assignments. Can’t wait to get rid of the ” TAI TAI” wife title !
Let’s see what the future unfolds !
This write-up is by our community member Vaishali Taneja
