It was our 30 weeks ultra sound and the doctor said the baby is growing just perfect… we holded each other’s hand and said so close yet so far… a month more and anytime our baby will be in our hands…  next day morning I said to myself the coming weeks I will only entertain myself with positivity, no stress of in laws not looking after me, no stress of thinking why they being mothers themselves can’t look after someone becoming one… no anxieties, no fear, no complains… was feeling so precious and the vibrations around me were all positive as decided by us…

But as they say “His(God) plans are His plans and His plans are the best plan” this saying didn’t matter to me when the doctor said your baby has no heart beat, couldn’t believe what he was talking about, just check your machine properly but the fact was my baby had no heart beat… I cried, I yelled, I did everything possible to get my baby back, I wanted to go away with my baby to look after but his plans are his plans and I screamed at his plans and asked him why did you give us those precious moments after 14 years when you had to snatch them back from us… why should I go through a normal delivery, isn’t the pain of knowing my baby has no heart beat enough? Why such a precious, beautiful angel needs to be buried by parents? Why my Lord why????

I felt all lifeless, insecure and what not… everything was standstill for me…the answers are still pending and life has to move on was the guidance given to me by one and all not that we all know this fact… I pray to the lord that no mother or no parent should go through what we went through… I had learned it that “be a choice maker and not a consequence receiver”, so chose not to cry anymore as my baby is my strength, my baby made me a mother, no more tears of pain, no more hard feelings for anyone…only tears of gratitude for delivering such a beautiful angel… for making me much more stronger as a person… for helping me understand this invisible cord between us… I dedicate this to all the mothers who have gone through this pain… and pray that no one should ever witness such an episode in their lives… hope this helps you feel connected…

We are connected
My child and I,
By one invisible cord,
Not seen by the eye.

It's not like the cord
that connects us until birth
This cord can't be seen
By anyone on earth.

The cord does its work
Right from the start
It binds us together
Attached to my heart.

I know that it's there
Though no one can see
The invisible cord
From my child to me.

And though you're gone
Though you're not here with me
The cord is still there
But no one can see.

It pulls at my heart
I am bruised … I am sore
But this cord is my lifeline
As never before.

I am thankful that God
connects us this way
A mother and child
Death can't take away!

I know your life was more needed by someone else, very proud of you… Loving you my angel much and more… you are within me now and forever…