It was 3:00 pm when I reached Starbucks Sector 29 Gurgaon. The sun was burning outside and I was melting inside with a thought of meeting him. The café was packed with strangers and I was trying to find that known face for whom I was patiently impatient. He was sitting in the cubicles near the washroom . Seeing me heading towards him, he stood up and gave me a hug. We both sat and he chooses to sit in front of me and his smoldering gaze was making me shy. He took my hand in his hand and pressed near his heart. It was not about the innocent coffee or the meeting, it was about those feelings that we both are no more ignorant about. The hustle and bustle in the café hasn't concerned us at all. We both didn't speak a word, but still I felt thousand thoughts shared between us. For the first time in my life I didn't require words to speak my thoughts, didn't require coffee to continue the meeting. After some time without disengaging his eyes, he asked “be mine forever”. I chose to sit silently as I can't say yes to a question as the answer was no. He parted his fingers from mine and placing the handkerchief in front of me he said “then don't meet me again”. Tears came out instead of words. I took the handkerchief, wiped my tears and thought to myself that am I so readable that he knew that I am going to cry? And I hurriedly came out of the cafe as I don’t want anyone to see me crying. The sun hid behind the clouds and it rained making me wet. I cried aloud. My tears got merged with the rains pouring on me. I reached home and wept for how much longer I don’t know. After that whatever I did was mechanical. Preparing food, laying the dinner table and just waiting this night to end. A knock on the door, I wiped my tears, washed my face and open the door. He came inside hugged me and he said “darling please serve the dinner.. I am too tired”. How can he my husband overlook my swollen eyes? And I thought I was readable. I left my love for this marriage, a person who never claimed that he loves me but his actions did, understood my undone actions, read those thoughts which I fear to share in silence also…. Rest around me was mechanical… I closed the door and kept this feeling as a secret in my heart.
Mere kadam uske darwaje pe jake ruk gaye,Lab khule zarur par khamosh labaj hogaye,
Kya khehti ussai ke me yaha kyu hoon,Kya puchti ussai me uski kya hoon,
Ankhe nam hai par ashq chalakte nahi,
Dukh bahut hai ussai keh sakti nahi,Sukh uske sath he par baat sakti nahi,
Yeh dil ne bura phasaya hai, bheed mai bhi tanhayi ka ehsaas dilaya hai,
Aab jane ka waqt karib aaya hai,
Milne ka waada nahi, bichadne ka sawaal nahi,
Jis rishte ka koi naam nahi use jeene ki koi vajah nahi,Woh mere pass nahi phir bhi hai woh khaas kahi..