Ensconced in the safety of my arms, my day old little angel was sleeping to glory when I an emotional mother promised myself to make him the best orator. He was just a day old and I started dreaming about his achievements, but the heavenly power had some other plans stored for me. With kids around time doesn't pass, but it flies. He turned two and I was still innocent and ignorant about him. When I used to feel that I know everything about my baby, then he surprises me with a change. From an early walker to a later sleeper I have seen and dealt with everything. With each passing day I use see the change in him; changes in food habit, sleeping patterns and looks. But something which never changed was his wordless expression. Aarav always kept me on my toes as he was a hyperactive child. Running from a corner of the house to another, screaming his lungs out if his demands were not fulfilled. I tried a lot but I could not give words to his screaming. Many of the times his behavior baffled me and I had no one with whom I can discuss this. Arrav was 2 years old and his speech was yet to develop. His head banging, zero social response was leaving me with sleepless nights. After a month of play school also I could not see any difference in him. Instead, he became more agitated and restless at the end of the day. I was dejected by his behavior with his fellow class mates and constant teachers complains. Once on my sister’s suggestion I took him to a pediatrician who then suggested a clinical psychologist for my baby. I answered some 50 odd questions to him and further, he did a 15 minute assessment of Aarav and came to a conclusion that he has delayed in speech. To confirm his diagnosis, he suggested some test to me. From sedatives for a test to the pricking of a needle, my 2 year Tod went through all. His reports were normal, but still the doctor had his views for aarav which left me unsatisfied
Then at someone’s suggestion I visited a child psychiatrist for my baby. Waiting for that doctor in the hospital lounge and holding that payment slip which reads “dr— from mental health department” was making me helpless. Aarav was 2 yrs and 5 months old and at this age where kids should have fun he was visiting a Psychiatrist. My legs were trembling as the anxiety was all over me. I wanted someone to hold me, to hug me tightly. Suddenly aarav who was sitting beside me got down from the chair, climb up to me and hugged me tightly. For a moment everything stopped. I felt the blood that was gushing through my veins was stopped. A tear rolled down my eyes. I wanted to run out from that hospital. Tear that payment slip. Wanted to shout on top of my voice that my baby was fine. Learning and getting parenting tips for cognitive development always made me so pity about myself and always questioned me about me being a good mother.Seeing him not behaving properly was not easy, waiting in the hospital lobby was not easy. Taking the first step towards this journey was not easy. Somehow I managed to hold myself and like a courageous woman I talked about the concerns to the doctor. Doctor told me that sometimes it's difficult to diagnose kids with anything but there are therapies which helps such children to grow better. That’s when the important part of being the parent of your kid comes in and that is “Accepting”. I accepted the flaws and instead of brooding over it I started working towards it. Though one hour twice a week leaving my baby with a speech and occupational therapist in a room made me felt paralyzed but still with folding hands and trembling legs I used to wait outside the doctor's room with a hope that when this room will open I will see an obedient Aarav. After a month’s session also no improvement was seen in aarav. I use to do the same activities at home, but seeing him uninvolved made me impatient and it further leads to hitting and shouting at him and then the aftermath was always holding his hand weeping all night long and be sorry about my behavior. Aarav was 2 yrs and 9 months old and till this age where his other friends know what birthday and the cake is all about aarav was far from this feeling. It was my birthday, but I was in no mood to celebrate it. Still, my husband bought 2 piece of pastry with one candle on it and kept it on the table. My little angel climbed the dining table and was staring the pastry. Before blowing the candle I just wished that “kash aarav mudje happy birthday wish kare”. And when I blew the candle Aarav started clapping and said “appy to you momma” and then he cut a little piece of cake with his tiny little fingers and made me eat. I hugged my baby and thanked loudly. That was the happiest birthday of my life. I kissed him all over and he ate the entire cake and continued singing “aapy to you aapy to you”
Today aarav is 3 yrs and 7 months old. He understands and follows multiple commands, knows all the brands in the mall. Demands from pistachio to pizza and loves from cycle to chocolates. Greets everyone and sing every rhyme in his way. From hyperactive, he has become an active child and his therapies are still continuing. I don’t know whether my baby has ADHD, AUTISM or SPD but I know one thing that my baby has a strong mother beside him who will not leave any stone unturned for him. I will make him into a confident man so that tomorrow his achievements become my rewards.. I love you son..
Hats off to you Annu for sharing your feelings so beautifully! Aarav is surely blessed to have a mom like you. I feel every mom goes through such fears with each milestone of bringing up a child – some for real and some which just pass by. I hope that this is only a passing phase for you! I have a niece who refused to walk till she was 2 and a half but now a young normal teenager. She caused enough concern to the entire family at that time.
Thanks for reading my post and sharing your own experience. Every mother tries to nurture her child into a happy and healthy baby but the child doesn't know whether he/she is healthy or not. The child only sees his/her beautiful mother with lots of love and expects love in return. In the process of making our children achieve all the milesstone in time we often ignore or forget that our baby needs love n care rahter than a push towards excellence. Thanks.. happy reading..
Kids can leave us with so much pleasure and pain. More power to you and all mothers out there. God Bless!
our kids have the kind of power over our emotions n feelings that no one else has…..they do and know things about us that we don't ever need to express……keep it up….help or none, therapy or no therapy…..the best medicine is our unconditional love….that only a mom is capable of giving her child……
enjoy this time with ur little ones…..they never will be the same age twice…..
Hi Annu….i have not read before a more touching expression of mother and child love and bonding.I wept like a child after reading your post.Just have faith and stand by each other like you are already doing.You give me strength as a mother….thank you.
Touching indeed! Prayers and hugs for you and your son. Have faith everything will turn out as you want!